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‘One year on’

My beloved Kathryn. 

A tribute from her husband, Alan.


On October 6th ‘23 Kathryn passed away into the presence of the Lord. So this is the first anniversary. Oct 5th ‘24 would have been our 50th wedding anniversary!


I am so grateful for all those who have been such a help during a very difficult 26 months since her first diagnosis with breast cancer. Colin & Marlene, Nathan & Miriam, all the wider family coordinated by my oldest daughter Joanna with her nursing palliative care experience, close friends like Mary Brown, Jackie White, & Debbie Waldron, all those who were part of the pop up choir at the thanksgiving & others who helped out for that service.


Proverbs 31:10-12 NIV

[10] A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. [11] Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. [12] She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.


I have been so richly blessed by being married to Kathryn. She has been such a wonderful support to me over all these years. We both agreed that our marriage got better & better, with the best part being the latter part.


When I reflect on Kathryn, these are some of the characteristics that come to mind;

Christlike humility, kindness, thoughtfulness, always putting others first, often stopping what she was doing to help me, be it using the tv remote control or ordering something online!  Kathryn was very contented, not wanting to go to this or that exotic place or change things in the house. She was happy - to use her own words ‘pottering around’, cooking, baking, gardening, knitting, reading, meeting up with family and friends, cleaning the loos in Timothy’s two bike shops, decorating, keeping up with neighbours, very hospitable, and always laughing at something or other. Often, when we were in a gathering of people, I could tell where she was by the laughter. 


Kathryn had clear insight & discernment, often summarising a situation in one sentence that gave so much clarity on something I’d be thinking about. She was right behind me in all I did. I couldn’t have done all that I did without her.


1 Timothy 6:6-8 NIV

[6] But godliness with contentment is great gain. [7] For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. [8] But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.


Kathryn enjoyed serving behind the scenes, very content with what she had. 

She was such an example to me of the Lords command to love one another. Her kindness was an inspiration to me. 


She was easy going, fun to be with, spontaneous, she could turn on a sixpence & tune into the needs of others, she was industrious, careful with money and very generous. 


She has been a terrific mum to our 4 children and a great grandmother to all our grandchildren. 


Our favourite times out together usually included walking in the forest or on the cliff tops, enjoying a meal & a drink in a cosy pub, or having meals with family or friends. 

She was my best friend, my confidante, & the one who shared my dreams.

Kathryn was honest, real, & consistent. She wasn’t vain. 


1 Peter 3:3-4 NIV

[3] Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewellery or fine clothes. [4] Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.


I love that phrase, ‘the unfading beauty of a gentle & quiet spirit.’ That was Kathryn.

She was a good organiser, holding the family together, very unselfish, realistic, uncomplaining, and very supportive, trustworthy,  resourceful, & faithful. We enjoyed many holidays, often in Cornwall or the Pembrokeshire coast spending time chatting, cliff top walking, & discovering lovely coffee shops.


Kathryn was a good sport, always wanting to have a laugh at things, as seen by the image on the thanksgiving Facebook page of her wielding an axe!


She was very brave in her last days. No complaining, handling her pain & disappointment so well, and faced the future with confidence. 

The last 5 months were the toughest, having broken her arm at the start of our holiday. The times at home with our lounge being like a hospital ward complete with all the aids & commode. This was the most difficult period of my life to date - being her carer. On the one hand it was a treat doing everything together, but it was also very emotionally & physically draining. 


The hospital staff, and latterly the hospice staff, were such a help towards the end. 


Kathryn knew where she was going & testified unreservedly. Death wasn’t the issue because she knew the Lord & where she was headed. She boldly said to medics that she had a place in heaven. She knew death catapulted her into the Lord’s presence. 

When my oldest granddaughter Olivia asked what was her favourite Bible verse, she instantly replied, (although appearing to be asleep) ‘I am the way, the truth and the life!’

The clear testimony of Jesus recorded in 

John 14:6 NIV

[6] Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”


She was ready to go & I knew she was because we had talked enough about it over that long period. So I was so relieved when God took her home, away from all her suffering, and the indignity of having absolutely everything done for her like a baby.


The day before she went home to be with the Lord, on our wedding anniversary, I felt the Lord gave us both this promise, which I shared with her:

Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV

[8] The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”


Little knowing that the time had come for our departure from each other, her to go to be with the Lord, me being widowed.


I find all our amazing Christian theology about eternal life being outworked in front of our eyes in such an intimate way, absolutely profound - and deeply moving. Death is not the end. The process of dying is very painful. The awfulness of sudden separation is unimaginably horrible! Nevertheless the gift of eternal life is free and offered to everyone who wants to receive it.


Marriage is temporary…… it’s only for this life!  

Physical death ends it.

Our relationship with the Lord is permanent - it goes on for eternity!


I have repeated what Jesus said to the thief on the cross countless times over the last year: 

Luke 23:43 NIV

[43] Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.”

He said TODAY! For all those like Kathryn who were followers of Jesus, death ushers them into his presence.


Romans 8:38-39 NIV

[38] For I am convinced that neither DEATH nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, [39] neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.


What an enormous encouragement that was to both of us.


Four nights after her death, the Lord woke me early in the morning with this verse looming large in my mind:  

Psalm 16:11 NIV

[11] You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.


It was such a strong & powerful encounter that I uncharacteristically jumped out of bed as I realised what the Lord was saying. 


Kathryn had known the WAY & was filled with joy in the Lord's presence, and beginning the never ending adventure of discovering eternal pleasures at His right hand. 


What a wonderful reassurance.


What a life well lived and sorely missed. 


I thank the Lord for Kathryn, and the privilege of our marriage over those 49 years.


2:10:24

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